yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
