At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
