Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
