Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
