Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
