i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
