i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
