Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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