So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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