I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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