she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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