fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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