Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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