How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
