A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
