Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
