i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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