He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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