I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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