I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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