cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
