Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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