$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
