And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
