She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
