I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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