You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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