the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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