Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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