the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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