Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
