census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
