I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
