I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
