I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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