I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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