I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I will die if light touches me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
