Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They have beer where we have blood.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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