Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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