she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
