My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
