aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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