walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
