I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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