4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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