grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
