Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
