Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
