My liver just broke up with me...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
