I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
