$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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