lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
