I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
