In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
