State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
