Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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