so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
