he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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