I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize