apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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