Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Are my feet made of real feet?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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