the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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