She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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