I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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