Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
