you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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