went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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