M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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